Redemption

No matter how hard I try,  I mess up.  Sometimes my mistakes are out of ignorance and sometimes they are out of just plain disobedience.  There is no sugar coating it.  Recently, I have been trying to get out of something that I knew the Lord was asking me to do.  I have used every excuse in the book to try to justify my feelings.  As a family we have been through a lot in the past few years and what I felt the Lord asking seemed daunting, overwhelming and even a wee bit impossible.  Everything I know in my heart about God I threw out the window as I tried to justify my position.  I am tired I would argue with God, go and pick on someone else. 

But the Lord is patient and compassionate and He continued to prompt my heart and to change my hearts desire.  When I finally was willing to recognize my disobedience for what it was and repent.  The Lord has been gracious and abundant in His redemption.  One of my favourite Psalms is Psalm 130.  The bible doesn't say who it was written by or why it was included but it's words have been a soothing balm as I have come to the end of myself and submitted to Lord's authority for all aspects of my life once again.

Psalm 130

Out of the depths I have cried to You, O LORD.
Lord, hear my voice!
Let Your ears be attentive
To the voice of my supplications.
If You, LORD, should mark iniquities,
O Lord, who could stand?
But there is forgiveness with You,
That You may be feared.

I wait for the LORD, my soul does wait,
And in His word do I hope.
My soul waits for the Lord
More than the watchmen for the morning;
Indeed, more than the watchmen for the morning.
O Israel, hope in the LORD;
For with the LORD there is lovingkindness,
And with Him is abundant redemption.
And He will redeem Israel
From all his iniquities.

As I have meditated on this psalm the road that is calling me to is not really any less daunting, overwhelming or impossible but in my heart I know that God will work out what I still can not see.  Today, what I find even more overwhelming is that no matter how badly I mess up there is hope in His forgiving love and that with Him there is abundant redemption. 

On Earth As It Is In Heaven

A sunrise view from our trailer at Ryerson

Last week, we headed down to Normandale, Ontario.  Where is that?  Well, the closest large town of 16,000 inhabitants, is Simcoe.  We were attending Ryerson Family Camp which is my one of my favourite yearly events.  Six days of hanging out with the fam, meeting other families, starting each day off with worship and learning more about Jesus, on a beautiful site that over looks Lake Erie.  To top it off I don't have to cook!  Oh it is glorious!

As I reflect about what makes this week so special it has often been hard for me to put into words.  This year though I had two little living examples that made it quite clear.

The friendship started the first full day of camp.  We began to hear Trinity refer to one of the campers as, "MybuddyJames"  it sounded like all one word.  "Mom I need to find mybuddyjames."  or "Can we sit with mybuddyjames at dinner?"  "Mom, I have a problem.  You said I can go to the swings but mybuddyjames is at the sandpit.  I need to go there."

They were an unlikely pair but as the days passed their daily antics were not only an encouragement to me but a source of wonder.  James is about one year older than Trinity.  His mom worries about him because he often struggles in social situations, he doesn't get invited to many birthday parties or friend's houses and I would describe him as a spirited child.   His start in life was probably more difficult than any of us even know and much more difficult than this little boy can process.  He is now in a safe place with a family who loves him but trust seems like a big issue for James.  James loves soldiers, pretending to hunt for bad guys, room to run and playing in the sand.  He has the most beautiful smile.  Like Trinity it did not take me long to adore him.

Trinity on the other hand, loves to be a princess.  She loves girlie things, playing barbies and babies and having her sister do her hair.  She loves to have her finger nails and her toe nails painted, her favourite colour is pink and her favourite game is to pretend to play house.  Trinity is a very social.  She loves to meet new people and sees everyone as a friend and wants the whole world to get along.  Trinity has her bad days like everyone else but Trinity is very secure in the love we have for her and she is fearless.

James and Trinity sharing a snack

I have no idea how the friendship began but as the week wore on, Trinity was able to get James to participate in group activities.  "Come on James.",  she would say.  "I'll wait for you."  James for his part was able to get Trinity to eat meatballs.  "They have M&M's in them.  Just try one of mine."  All week I watched in wonder as these two little people, looked out for one and other.  Like the time that James heard that Trinity had had nightmares at night. "Don't worry", he said holding a stick in his hand.  "I'm here and I'll pop them!" or when she got stung by a bee and James announced that it wasn't going to happen again because he would shoot them with his water gun.  Trinity continually invited James to activities.  Again and again she would say to me,  "I have to wait for James so he knows it is not the same with out him."  

One night, as I was trying to get Trinity to bed, she said "Mommy tell me the story of the King Most High."  She loves this story and always acts like it is the first time she has heard it.  I told her about the King and the love He has for His people.  We talked about the fact that because she is a child of the King that makes her a princess of the King Most High.  It was at this point in the story that Trinity said.  "Oh I can't wait for tomorrow to tell James that he is a prince!"  Sure enough, the next day Trinity announced to James that he was a prince.  James didn't really get it and said "No, I am a soldier."  "Nope you are a Prince to the King Most High.", she concluded.   Later, she told me that James doesn't believe he is a prince.  Her and I decided that even if James doesn't believe it yet, we do and more importantly God believes in James.

So what makes Ryerson so special?  I think it is the community that is created.  It is the way in which we are reminded by those around us that God believes in us even when we have trouble believing in ourselves.  It is the way that God knits hearts together, as people come to worship Him, learn more about Him, serve one and other and experience the life of camp together.  It is an example of what the Kingdom here on earth should be.

Happy 5th Birthday TJ

Five years ago, my husband and I welcomed our 4th child into the world.  Trinity Joy McGibbon was born in the late afternoon on July 29th, 2005 and she has been a blessing ever since we met her.  TJ loves God and she loves people.  She can often be heard singing in our house at the top of her lungs, "My God is so big, so strong and so mighty.  There is nothing my God can not do!"  TJ loves to play with her friends, to make new friends and literally loves to talk to everyone that she meets.  Like all of our kids she teaches us something new each day.  Happy 5th Birthday Trinity Joy.  We love you!

Hello My Name Is.....

Recently, I attended our Canadian National Baptist Convention.  It was a fantastic week which our whole family loved.  One of the events was a luncheon for Pastor's wives, which was truly a blessing for lots of reasons but one in particular was that at the lunch I received a book. This book was a bible study for minister's wives written by minister's wives so while I was away at the cottage last week I decided to take some time and discover what the authors had to say.

One of the exercises that caught my attention and has put my brain into overdrive was to write in my journal, "Hello my Name is Kimberley" and then to write Who Kimberley is.  The only rule was that in explaining who I am I was not allowed to use the words wife, mother, sister, daughter or what I do for a living or an occupation.  Seemed simple enough.  Well, it wasn't simple and I had real trouble.  I realize that I often define myself by who I am to those around me.  The problem with this is that life is full of different seasons and what I do will changes during my life time.  About five years ago I sold a business that I had spent ten years building in order to stay home with my kids.  Although I loved being at home for them I had a real hard time adjusting to my new life.  Looking back I can see that in my mind, my worth was all wrapped in the success of how I ran my business.  I had defined myself by something that would not last.

Five years later in doing this exercise I realized I was doing it again.  The first things that came to my mind when I think of who is Kimberley, is that I am a pastor's wife and a mother and a daughter to fantastic parents.  I am really blessed to be all of these things but I realize if my worth is all wrapped up in who I am to others and if these roles change, how does that affect my worth?  Do I use my husband's job description, my kids and my parents to hide the real me?  And who is that real me and how do I define her when a I strip away everything else?

Yikes... tough questions for which I had no quick fix answers.  This exercise prompted me to have some really frank conversations with myself and to dig into scripture to see who God says I am.  I want to define myself as the women God created me to be because I know God will last and He doesn't change.  So who do I think He created me to be?  I spent a lot of time meditating on Acts 4:13 which reasonated with me as my life verse years and years ago.  So recognizing that I am always a work in progress and that much of my head knowledge still needs to be transformed fully into my heart, this is who I with Christ's help am striving to be.

"Hello my name is Kimberley. I am a women who strives to live a life in which those around will recognize that I have spent time with Jesus."

It has been a good exercise.  So if you were asked to define yourself without using the roles you currently have in life what would your name tag look like?

Free Recipe Friday - Healthy Breakfast Bars

I have been playing with recipes again.  I made these for a friend who was looking for a quick, portable healthy breakfast that she could throw into her purse for when she was running out the door.  She really liked them and thought it was fantastic that she could keep them individually wrapped in her freezer and then just toss it in her purse.  Since that time I have made some more adjustments to the recipe to lessen their sugar content and now my kids think that they are great.

HEALTHY BREAKFAST BARS

Makes 16 bars

2 Tablespoons of Peanut Oil (you could probably use another nut oil just as well)
2 1/2 cups Organic Pantry 9 Grain Cereal
1 cup dried Apricots chopped
1/2 cup of ground flax seed
1/2 cup of pecans coarsely chopped
1/4 Almonds (slivered or chopped and toasted)
3/4 cup of Organic Agave Syrup (you could also use honey)
3/4 cup of natural creamy peanut butter
1 Teaspoon of pure Vanilla extract


Directions

1. Preheat oven to 325 degrees.  Use a 13 x 9 in baking dish.  Line the bottom and two of the sides with parchment paper.  Leave a 2 inch overhang on each side.  This will help later when you want to cut the bars.  Brush the paper with a little nut oil.  
2. In a medium bowl, combine the cereal, apricots, flaxseed, pecans, almonds and set aside.
3.  In a small saucepan, combine the agave nectar, peanut butter, the nut oil and the vanilla.  Cook over medium heat until melted.  
4. Add to the dry ingredients and stir to combine.  Transfer the mixture to the baking dish, spread out mixture and smooth and press down with the back of a spoon.

5.  Bake until golden brown and the edges are pulling away from the pan.  Allow to cool.
6. Once cool cut into squares and then individually wrap and keep in your freezer or refrigerator.  Also good at room temperature for up to 5 days.

**Note if you are having trouble finding the 9 Grain cereal and the Agave Syrup we find ours at The Supercentre or other health food sections of a grocery store.  

The Gift of Rain

Light rain is falling on our tent trailer as I type.  A light and rhythmic sound resonates through the quiet.  It is calming and refreshing.  It is as if I can actually hear life slowing down.  Rain has that effect.  It changes plans, it sometimes forces you to stop before you continue on at your break neck speed.   In the quiet, I hear the rain and as I think about what plans we may have to change today, life slows down long enough for me to stop for a moment... to listen...to breathe...to realize that life has been traveling at such a high speed for so long that it has begun to feel normal.  Even while on a mini-vacation I have forgotten what a normal pace really is.  I have made compromises without realizing.  Why is it that when we do have a little space in the family calendar I fill it without thinking?  Oh we could do that...we have a little time...  Pretty soon each day is full and little by little, one day tuns into a few and then a week and before long life is passing by at a break neck speed.  Every day is eaten up and there is no time to reflect, to listen, to just be.   There is not time to think and we go from event to event, task to task and day to day without even realizing that this might not be God’s best.   This is our life right now I justify.  It will slow down sometime and besides we are doing ministry but in all reality life will not slow down until I slow it down.   The cycle of busyness is just that, a never ending cycle and we begin to go around and around, day after day with no end in sight.  There are always good things to do, great causes to support, fun activities to participate in but are they the right things for me?  Are they furthering what my life purpose is?  Where is God in all this?  Even as I am serving could I be missing Him in all the craziness?  Even if He wanted to could He actually get my attention when life is moving so fast? These are not easy questions to answer if I want more than surface answers.  Deep answers take time to ponder, to pray about and to listen for answers.  Thank-you Lord for time today and for rain.

“But Jesus himself would often slip away to the wilderness and pray.” Luke 5:16

Changes

I am looking to make some changes on my blog in the next week.  So please keep checking back to see the finished product and new thoughts.