Yesterday I Met Hopelessness

And to love Him with all your heart, with all your understanding, and with all your strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself, is far more [important] than all the burnt offerings and sacrifices.

~ Mark 12:33 

I met him yesterday.  I watched as he tried to speak to people but they either did not hear him or choose to not engage with this troubled man.  His clothes were dirty, ripped and torn,  His shoulders were slumped, his head lowered as he teetered back and forth precariously on the curb.  As I got closer to him I noticed that he wore both a large cross and a pentagram around his neck.  His cheeks were sunken in and he had large sores on his hands and face and I wondered when he had last received any medical attention.  Everything about this man was difficult to look at.  He looked beaten by life and without any source of hope.  I could not understand what he was asking me but then he abruptly stopped and pointed to the word "bible" on my book.  I tried asking him if he had ever read the bible but again incoherent words tumbled from his mouth.  He stopped and I asked him, "What do you need?"  He asked for money, almost falling off the curb and into the parking lot.  "I don't want to give you money but you look like you could use a coffee."  I said.  He still did not look up.  "When was the last time you ate?"  "How about I get you a meal."

When I came out of the store he was not in the same spot that I left him and I wondered if he had moved on.  But a second later I noticed him on the other side of the parking lot this time.   It took me a while to get him to understand that the meal was for him.  I got him to sit down on the curb and as I knelt beside him and opened his coffee lid and got his food ready for him,  I was at a loss as to what else I could do.  I tried again to ask him his name and to talk and ask about the bible hoping that I could offer him some encouragement and hope.  Strange and incoherent words again tumbled from his mouth and I am not sure if they were from his inebriation or if he was also mentally ill.  I finally left him there on the curb, in the sunshine, drinking his coffee and eating his chili.  As I walked away, I was praying that God would have mercy on this man.  Since that meeting yesterday his image is never far from my mind.  I wonder if I could have or should have done more?  Is there a way I could have shared the hope I have for my life that could have broken through his hopelessness?  Again I am left wondering how do I love my neighbour well?

Redemption

No matter how hard I try,  I mess up.  Sometimes my mistakes are out of ignorance and sometimes they are out of just plain disobedience.  There is no sugar coating it.  Recently, I have been trying to get out of something that I knew the Lord was asking me to do.  I have used every excuse in the book to try to justify my feelings.  As a family we have been through a lot in the past few years and what I felt the Lord asking seemed daunting, overwhelming and even a wee bit impossible.  Everything I know in my heart about God I threw out the window as I tried to justify my position.  I am tired I would argue with God, go and pick on someone else. 

But the Lord is patient and compassionate and He continued to prompt my heart and to change my hearts desire.  When I finally was willing to recognize my disobedience for what it was and repent.  The Lord has been gracious and abundant in His redemption.  One of my favourite Psalms is Psalm 130.  The bible doesn't say who it was written by or why it was included but it's words have been a soothing balm as I have come to the end of myself and submitted to Lord's authority for all aspects of my life once again.

Psalm 130

Out of the depths I have cried to You, O LORD.
Lord, hear my voice!
Let Your ears be attentive
To the voice of my supplications.
If You, LORD, should mark iniquities,
O Lord, who could stand?
But there is forgiveness with You,
That You may be feared.

I wait for the LORD, my soul does wait,
And in His word do I hope.
My soul waits for the Lord
More than the watchmen for the morning;
Indeed, more than the watchmen for the morning.
O Israel, hope in the LORD;
For with the LORD there is lovingkindness,
And with Him is abundant redemption.
And He will redeem Israel
From all his iniquities.

As I have meditated on this psalm the road that is calling me to is not really any less daunting, overwhelming or impossible but in my heart I know that God will work out what I still can not see.  Today, what I find even more overwhelming is that no matter how badly I mess up there is hope in His forgiving love and that with Him there is abundant redemption. 

Hope for Haiti and For Me

It has been two weeks since the ground began to shake in Haiti.  My family and I have watched the pictures flood our TV set,  death and destruction that I have trouble comprehending.  We have read first hand accounts of people who were on the ground when it happened, we have made and help collect donations, we have followed the Southern Baptist Disaster Relief reports as they have worked in the capital, we watched the telethons, we have had conversations about what is  happening with the orphans and we have prayed and prayed.  Throughout each day, there have been many times and moments, when God has turned my attention once again back to this nation and it's people.  A nation and a people that I did not know much about until disaster struck.  My heart aches.  My eyes continue to well with tears at strange moments.  At times I admit it has become too much.  Too many visuals, too many broken lives, too many children without parents and too much darkness.  But today I read a story and then another and another that rang with true hope.

My friend Leeann, was scheduled to leave on mission trip to Haiti for five months in early February.  The airlines have just announced that all commercial flights are on hold until at least February 18th but God has a plan and He was already putting it into motion before the earth began to shake.  I read LeeAnn's blog this morning.  It was great to be reminded that God is always working.  God is always working everywhere and we can trust Him.  He is working here for His people in Haiti and He is working in Haiti for His people here.  His all encompassing love astounds me again and again.  It is wonderful to read about the way that He has been stirring in Leeann's heart and prompting her to obedience.  It is marvelous to read about her love for children that she has not yet met.  It was a great way to start my morning.  I would encourage you to start following her journey as she attempts to live out in Haiti what she has learned about Christ.

While I was on Leeann's blog I decided to read some blogs of the people that she is going to be with at Mission of Hope.  One of those blogs is Embracing Hope written by Diana Wiebe.  She is working as a teacher for the children of a couple of families who felt God's call to help with an orphanage and a hospital at the Mission of Hope for Haiti.  She has been there since the fall of 2008.  Her blog is not only encouraging but awe inspiring.  Leeann will be working with Diana and assisting her in teaching the children.  As I read her post called The Loveliest Sound, I was flooded with my own praise for my God that continues to overwhelm me with the way that He shows himself through His people.  I want to encourage you to read this post about some of the Haitian people's response to the circumstances.  It was a good reminder for me.

So there it was after days of feeling the heaviness of this sea of despair I was reminded to fix my eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. (2 Corinthians 4:8).  God has not abandoned Haiti or it's people.  God is right there in the thick of it and His light is throwing back the darkness.

This morning was also a reminder that I need to be vigilant in the plan that He has for me.  There are people that He is calling to Haiti like LeeAnn, Diana and others.  And maybe He is starting to work in my heart to go but He already has me going places for Him today.  Right here, in my home with my kids, with my husband, with my neighbours, with my friends and with the people that I meet as I live my life in Milton.   Today,  He will set in my path and in yours,  lives that need to hear about and see His true hope in action.  Today, we will all have an opportunity to exalt His Name by the way we treat those around us.   Think about it, today is full of astonishing possibilities.  Lives that you know could be changed today.   I was overwhelmed just thinking about it.  I wanted to get going but these are tasks that cannot even begin to be accomplished without Him.  So I started my day today with Psalm 25:3-5 as my prayer.

Show me your ways, O LORD, teach me your paths;
guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long.

May this be my prayer and my praise everyday.

Hope

He looked at me with those big brown eyes and said, "We have been through a lot, you and Dad and I and God." It was one of those times when I wonder looking back if I should have said something. Maybe I should have tried to explain why that happens sometimes or asked him how he felt about it. But there was something in the way he said it. It was not a question, it was said without bitterness or sadness or regret. It simply was. The statement is so much wiser than his eight little years. He was right, we had been through a lot but he recognized that God had been right there too. Liam never faltered that God loved him, wanted the best for him and that with Him there was our hope.

Today, is the first Sunday of Advent. It is the day my dad puts on his outdoor Christmas lights, the day we start to sing Christmas songs at our Sunday service and the day we light the first candle on our advent wreath. There are many traditions that we as a family have developed and participate in around Christmas time.

This time and my conversation with Liam has reminded me of how important it is to cherish God in all that we do. Not so long ago, my wonderful husband bought me a book that was written about just that purpose. The book is called "Treasuring God in Our Traditions". I loved the book and Noel Piper, who is the author does a great job of helping the reader cast their own vision for a God-centered home and family. In her chapter that is specifically about Christmas, she poses some questions that I have been pondering this afternoon.

"Do others see why we celebrate? How will our home look if our celebration is a picture of anticipation and waiting for God's plan to be completed, a picture of joy in the salvation he has begun for us? What visible things will fill our house as we celebrate what God has done through Jesus?"

They are the type of questions that can be skimmed over easily, but if you really think about them, they are are the questions that can make you stop and honestly ask, Hmm. How does our house look different? Do our children notice a difference? Can they tell that God is being cherished. That He is our treasure. Our hope?

Today's advent candle was the candle of hope. As we lit the candle we were guided to remember the hope we have in Christ. Our friends, Shelly and Patrick and their beautiful daughter Taylor lit the candle today at church. They read "Hope is like a light shining in a dark place. As we look at the light of this candle we celebrate the hope we have in Jesus Christ." I want our house to be a light shining in our dark neighbourhood. I want this Christmas season to be a reflection of who we are, of who created and now sustains us. I want those who love us to know that we have been through a lot and God never left our side and He is our hope.

Everyday for the rest of this season I will be reading, praying and sharing what God is continuing to teach me about the season of Advent and Christmas.