No matter how hard I try, I mess up. Sometimes my mistakes are out of ignorance and sometimes they are out of just plain disobedience. There is no sugar coating it. Recently, I have been trying to get out of something that I knew the Lord was asking me to do. I have used every excuse in the book to try to justify my feelings. As a family we have been through a lot in the past few years and what I felt the Lord asking seemed daunting, overwhelming and even a wee bit impossible. Everything I know in my heart about God I threw out the window as I tried to justify my position. I am tired I would argue with God, go and pick on someone else.
But the Lord is patient and compassionate and He continued to prompt my heart and to change my hearts desire. When I finally was willing to recognize my disobedience for what it was and repent. The Lord has been gracious and abundant in His redemption. One of my favourite Psalms is Psalm 130. The bible doesn't say who it was written by or why it was included but it's words have been a soothing balm as I have come to the end of myself and submitted to Lord's authority for all aspects of my life once again.
Out of the depths I have cried to You, O LORD.
Lord, hear my voice!
Let Your ears be attentive
To the voice of my supplications.
If You, LORD, should mark iniquities,
O Lord, who could stand?
But there is forgiveness with You,
That You may be feared.
I wait for the LORD, my soul does wait,
And in His word do I hope.
My soul waits for the Lord
More than the watchmen for the morning;
Indeed, more than the watchmen for the morning.
O Israel, hope in the LORD;
For with the LORD there is lovingkindness,
And with Him is abundant redemption.
And He will redeem Israel
From all his iniquities.