No matter how hard I try, I mess up. Sometimes my mistakes are out of ignorance and sometimes they are out of just plain disobedience. There is no sugar coating it. Recently, I have been trying to get out of something that I knew the Lord was asking me to do. I have used every excuse in the book to try to justify my feelings. As a family we have been through a lot in the past few years and what I felt the Lord asking seemed daunting, overwhelming and even a wee bit impossible. Everything I know in my heart about God I threw out the window as I tried to justify my position. I am tired I would argue with God, go and pick on someone else.
But the Lord is patient and compassionate and He continued to prompt my heart and to change my hearts desire. When I finally was willing to recognize my disobedience for what it was and repent. The Lord has been gracious and abundant in His redemption. One of my favourite Psalms is Psalm 130. The bible doesn't say who it was written by or why it was included but it's words have been a soothing balm as I have come to the end of myself and submitted to Lord's authority for all aspects of my life once again.
Out of the depths I have cried to You, O LORD.
Lord, hear my voice!
Let Your ears be attentive
To the voice of my supplications.
If You, LORD, should mark iniquities,
O Lord, who could stand?
But there is forgiveness with You,
That You may be feared.
I wait for the LORD, my soul does wait,
And in His word do I hope.
My soul waits for the Lord
More than the watchmen for the morning;
Indeed, more than the watchmen for the morning.
O Israel, hope in the LORD;
For with the LORD there is lovingkindness,
And with Him is abundant redemption.
And He will redeem Israel
From all his iniquities.
Thursday, 12 August 2010
|A sunrise view from our trailer at Ryerson|
As I reflect about what makes this week so special it has often been hard for me to put into words. This year though I had two little living examples that made it quite clear.
The friendship started the first full day of camp. We began to hear Trinity refer to one of the campers as, "MybuddyJames" it sounded like all one word. "Mom I need to find mybuddyjames." or "Can we sit with mybuddyjames at dinner?" "Mom, I have a problem. You said I can go to the swings but mybuddyjames is at the sandpit. I need to go there."
They were an unlikely pair but as the days passed their daily antics were not only an encouragement to me but a source of wonder. James is about one year older than Trinity. His mom worries about him because he often struggles in social situations, he doesn't get invited to many birthday parties or friend's houses and I would describe him as a spirited child. His start in life was probably more difficult than any of us even know and much more difficult than this little boy can process. He is now in a safe place with a family who loves him but trust seems like a big issue for James. James loves soldiers, pretending to hunt for bad guys, room to run and playing in the sand. He has the most beautiful smile. Like Trinity it did not take me long to adore him.
Trinity on the other hand, loves to be a princess. She loves girlie things, playing barbies and babies and having her sister do her hair. She loves to have her finger nails and her toe nails painted, her favourite colour is pink and her favourite game is to pretend to play house. Trinity is a very social. She loves to meet new people and sees everyone as a friend and wants the whole world to get along. Trinity has her bad days like everyone else but Trinity is very secure in the love we have for her and she is fearless.
|James and Trinity sharing a snack|
One night, as I was trying to get Trinity to bed, she said "Mommy tell me the story of the King Most High." She loves this story and always acts like it is the first time she has heard it. I told her about the King and the love He has for His people. We talked about the fact that because she is a child of the King that makes her a princess of the King Most High. It was at this point in the story that Trinity said. "Oh I can't wait for tomorrow to tell James that he is a prince!" Sure enough, the next day Trinity announced to James that he was a prince. James didn't really get it and said "No, I am a soldier." "Nope you are a Prince to the King Most High.", she concluded. Later, she told me that James doesn't believe he is a prince. Her and I decided that even if James doesn't believe it yet, we do and more importantly God believes in James.
So what makes Ryerson so special? I think it is the community that is created. It is the way in which we are reminded by those around us that God believes in us even when we have trouble believing in ourselves. It is the way that God knits hearts together, as people come to worship Him, learn more about Him, serve one and other and experience the life of camp together. It is an example of what the Kingdom here on earth should be.